Thursday, July 29, 2010

Near-Death Experience

This afternoon I experienced my worst nightmare.

Try not to laugh. My husband couldn't help himself though, even when he realized the seriousness of the situation.

Have I previously mentioned my extreme arachnophobia? Well. I'm generally a rather brave person. Blood, vomit, dirty diapers? No problem. Bring it! Skydiving, marathoning, parasailing? Yes, please. Even my other deep-seated, slightly irrational fear of serial killers has nothing on this. I have convinced myself that I would fight back using the mad skills I learned from self-defense classes, kickboxing, and Oprah specials (oh, yes). However, there is no fighting spiders. Something to do with all the legs. *shivers*

My big fear? Having a spider crawl on or in front of me while driving.

(Are you laughing yet? Pfft.)

The problem is, when it comes to spiders, I become a completely irrational, screeching, jumping freak. It's like a nerve damage problem. No matter how much I try to control the flailing and screaming, put an eight-legged monster in front of me, and I lose control. I've always been afraid that if a spider got to me in a car, I might cause a freeway pileup.

So there I was, minding my own business, chatting to my husband on my (hands-free!) cell, when a spider appeared on the INSIDE of my windshield. Cue MAJOR panic attack. Thankfully, I was sitting at a stop light, so I didn't crash into anyone. There was a gas station just before the light, so I was praying the spider wouldn't move before I could get to it and jump out. No such luck. The fat little beasty started opening and closing it's mouth at me in an attempt to hiss (spiders DO hiss, don't argue!), and then started crawling up the windshield closer to my face. At this point I'm sure all my husband heard on the other end of the line was high pitched squealing and hyperventilation. Luckily, the light changed, so I drove with my head cocked to the side and as far back as possible. Just in case. Pulled into a no parking zone, jumped out and proceeded to scream and flail, before removing my sandal and dealing the hideous monster a death blow. (Followed, of course, by more squealing.)

Husband's biggest concern during this interaction? That I would make a fool of myself. Ha! Not scared of that, clearly. Done and done! (Psh. Called my sister while still shaking afterward since her irrational fear of moths makes her much more sympathetic!)

I survived this round. However, husband has a major spider hunting task in my car tonight, as I may not be so lucky next time.



Rebecca said...

ha ha! I do understand, I hate spiders too, but it's funny anyway!

Sue Guiney said...

The same thing happened to me this summer, only it was a MOUSE on the floor of the front passenger side. Thankfully, I didn't careen off to my death. But I pulled over, flagged down a stranger and he finally was able to capture and get rid of it. So humiliating, but I don't care. I'm scared to death of mice. And in the car???? Let's hope neither of us have to go through this again!

Zmunda said...

Oh sweet babes I totally understand. I don't understand how I can literally be deathly afraid of something I am sooooo much bigger than. I don't know if Darcy and I ever told you about the spider under my bed but it almost came down to us moving. I was ready to grab what I could and write off the rest. We did manage to handle it but I cried in the process...literally was crying because I was so scared/upset/anxiety stricken. I don't know what I would do if a spider was IN my fear is that I will pass out and crash. Needless to say you are not alone and I was hesitant even to read the post as it makes me nervous! Love you, glad you survived :)

Rebecca Stonebridge said...

I didn't laugh at all because I feel your pain - I hate spiders too. I freak out at even the little ones.

I remember getting ready for bed one night and going to clean my teeth - I wasn't paying much attention and when I went to pick up my toothbrush, I noticed a fairly big spider was wrapped around the head! I think I screamed the house down! It was awful!

Angie said...

Rebecca, I would definitely laugh at me if I were a passerby!

Oh Sue, that sounds terrifying! It's funny how the humiliation doesn't matter in the face of fear, isn't it? Let's hope so!

Z, haha, I think I do remember hearing that. I'd definitely move for a huge resident spider. *shudders* I was seriously lucky it was at a red light and not on the freeway. Could have made the news then: Woman causes 25 car pileup when spider attacks her in car!

RS, holy crap! How horrible. Ugh. I'd be throwing out half the bathroom. LOL.

JJ Beattie said...

Nope, nope, not laughing. Feeling your pain and squealing belatedly on your behalf.

May none of us ever have to go through that again!

Angie said...

JJ, haha, sorry to drag you through my terrifying moment.


Mindy said...

Oh Angie, it's totally genetic, though I think it skips a generation 'cause mom can kill a spider with her bare hands. Me? I'm like you- total panic and usually end in tears. If there is a spider in the house I have to stare at it until my husband gets home and there will be no sleeping until I see it totally squished, guts everywhere, then flushed down the toilet (and yes, I have to make sure it is really gone cause I don't want that thing coming up out of the toilet during one of my midnight visits).

Angie said...

Mindy, my mom can kill them too, but definitely not bare handed. That's hard core! Must've skipped a generation, because grandma was terrified of bugs too. Do you remember her weird thing with moths? Poor Brit is terrified of moths because of grandma. LOL. I kill the moths for her and she (begrudgingly) gets the spiders for me. ;)