Nostalgia

Nostalgia is the scent of winter firewood lightly perfuming the dry high desert air. It is the crisp blue skies of morning, the swirling pink sunsets of twilight, and the inky black nights with a sparkling display of stars. It's the majestic view of mountains covered in snow, and the less charming sight of roadside snow colored deep red by the local cinders which provide traction against the ice. It is tall magnificent trees, mountain lakes, buttes, and the sparse high desert landscape of pine, juniper, and sage.
I am suffering from homesickness more and more lately. Bouts of crippling nostalgia overwhelm me at times, and I can hardly explain where they come from or why. I traveled home to Oregon five times last year--a record since we moved south--and that certainly hasn't helped matters. Although California is now my home, I don't always feel at home. I like living here. There are many great things about it, not least the mild climate and the wealth of activities and culture in the bay area. But sometimes I just miss the familiar:
I love the snow in winter, the dry heat, the unpredictable weather. Gorgeous mountain views greet you every morning. People are friendly and life is an adventure, not a race. Most importantly for me, I have a network of family and friends. I have a group of best friends--girls who have been there for me, whether near or far, for over a decade. You can't build that kind of life in six years, no matter how hard you try. I do love my little life here, but that's how it feels sometimes: little.

Attention Span

My reading attention span has been low the past few months. Blame it on holiday busyness, distraction with the novel, and the small pile of research books on my bedside table. Whatever the cause, it bothers me. I go through ebbs and flows in my reading life. Sometimes I devour books, while at others I read slow and steady, but every once in a while I barely read a book a month and even if I love the book, my attention is focused elsewhere. The only way out of this hole--and it is a hole, not reading makes me depressed--is to pick up an absolute page-turner, preferably part of a series so I'm hooked and must continue reading. In the past I've turned to the well-worn pages of familiar books (Harry Potter reengages me every time), but this time I decided to pick up something new.

Last year I received a full series off my wishlist--Philip Pullman's Sally Lockhart Mysteries. I knew a YA book would be an easy read, and having discovered the first book from the BBC's adaptation with Billie Piper, I knew I would enjoy it.

I was looking for a fun, fast read and Philip Pullman provides that in The Ruby in the Smoke, along with an engaging, clever female lead and a cast of quirky and interesting characters. Set in grimy Victorian London, the book follows Sally Lockhart as she unravels a mystery involving the recent death of her father, the opium trade, the truth of her birth, and the famed Ruby of Agrapur. This is the first book in the series, and I'm eager to see where Pullman takes Sally next. This series isn't as well known as Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy, which is a shame, and it didn't come to my attention until I saw the adaptation, but I'm glad it did.

It seems to have done the trick. I've started the second book, The Shadow in the North, and I'm reading on full steam to kick this funk to the curb. If you like light mysteries with a historical setting and a strong female lead, I highly recommend this series.

Keep those pages turning!

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and...

...finally a new post!

I meant to write a Christmas post, and then again a New Year's post, but the best laid plans and all that. We had a nice relaxing Christmas here, which was a pleasant change from our usual shuttling between families at the holidays, but I missed my family immensely. Thank goodness for technology though! I chatted with my mom, sisters, and new little niece over Skype, which was lovely. My niece, who is five months old, got quite upset after awhile when she discovered she couldn't reach me. So adorable.

The cutest niece ever in her bear jammies.

I'm excited for the new year and a new decade, but I'm not one for New Year's resolutions. They always feel too forced. I'm much more likely to keep a birthday resolution or meet a writing goal that has some time and planning to support it. However, despite my lack of official resolutions, I am working toward a goal: I want to finish my final revisions and manuscript tweaks--the technical definition--and get my novel query into the hands of agents soon. I haven't set an exact goal date yet, as I'm reviewing my list of revisions to do, but I'm shooting for the next month or two. (Eek!)

Here's to a bright and shiny 2010, and best wishes to all the other writers and dreamers out there!

Christmas Countdown...

It's that time of year again. Only 15 days until Christmas! *SQUEEEE* (Ahem, I get a bit overexcited this time of year.) I cannot believe this will be our sixth Christmas living in California. I still can't get used to the differences in climate. On my daily run I pass the typical Northern California mix of palm, pine, and deciduous trees, but it always catches my breath when I see roses, lemons, and oranges in full winter bloom!

This year we traveled to our hometown for Thanksgiving, where we received a chilly greeting and gorgeous fluffy wet flakes. I participated in a 5k fun run on Thanksgiving morning with my bestie, and it was the first time in years I've had to wear gloves while running. We're staying here for Christmas, so we'll have to forgo a white one. It doesn't snow here. Occasionally it snows in the foothills, but never here, though apparently it did once. Before I was born. And yet, I'm keeping my fingers crossed. (Always hopeful!) It's bound to happen again and this year is our best chance so far since the temperature dipped below freezing at night this week--a very rare occurrence! However, my Oregon-girl-self is ashamed to admit how cold I've been this week, especially since the cold snap at home has left my mom with ice inside her windows--the highs only reached the single digits and the lows went down to about -13F!

Anyway, Christmas preparations are in full swing. We did the decorating last weekend, and now we're finishing our homemade gifts and preparing to wrap and ship! Our place looks like a cross between Santa's workshop and a publishing office what with Christmas crafts covering the table and encroaching my desk along with my scattered books and manuscript pages covering the remainder of the desk and coffee table! Festive and depressing all at once.

Sala

Last night Husband took me to San Francisco to attend an event at the Jewish Community Center there. Ann Kirschner spoke about her book, Sala's Gift (which I mentioned a few weeks ago), and the Center had the accompanying traveling exhibit on display.

The book details the story of how Ann discovered her mother's hidden Holocaust past, but it also tells her mother's story through the over 300 letters and postcards she hid during the war.

This book piqued my interest, in particular, because it is the story of a 'silent' survivor. We hear about the survivors who share their stories, but so many more kept them hidden for years, even from their own children. In my novel I write about a silent survivor and the effect of that silence on her relationship with her daughter; I also explore how the revelation of her secret affects her daughter. It was great to discover a real life equivalent with such a hopeful ending.

For more about Sala's story, see the page for Sala's Gift here.

On a related note, when we arrived at the Center it saddened me to discover that they must search the trunk of every car entering the parking garage, because anti-semitism is still a very real threat, even in cosmopolitan San Francisco. I cannot understand how there are still people in the world who hate others just because they were born different than them. We've come a long way, but we still have so far to go.

Eventful

I feel like I'm trying to keep up with the pace of life these past few months. A niece, reunions, bridal showers and weddings, a final draft, trips home, and a new hard drive are keeping me busy!

Two weekends ago my best friend got married. Eight years ago she was my maid of honor, and it was great to finally repay the favor. I spent the week leading up to her wedding at home in Oregon--throwing a bridal shower, celebrating with a bachelorette party (perhaps a few too many margaritas...), and rehearsing ("Please, please, don't fall down the stairs, Angie!"). The wedding went well, I didn't trip, and the bride was gorgeous!

Once I got home, I had to catch up on work and start retrieving what files I could. I found most of my music, with the exception of a few CDs. Thankfully, I always backup our pictures on our desktop, although I know I need to backup the last two or three years on disk now. Just in case. I lost a lot of my documents, but with the old backup version of my writing file I found, I am able to partially reconstruct my data.

However, I had to go back to the Apple store this week because the new battery they gave me was not working. It could not hold a charge at all, so any time I knocked my cord loose, the computer died. They replaced the battery and the battery connector (which was also new), and now it finally seems to be back up and running.

On a more exciting note, Husband took me up to San Fran for the Jewish BookFest on Sunday, where I heard Anita Diamant read from her new book, Day After Night, which looks amazing. It follows a group of young, female Holocaust survivors in the postwar period as they struggle to create a new life in Palestine, but they run into obstacles with the British Mandate and are imprisoned in camps on arrival. When I did research for my book, I learned about these incidents and was fascinated that I'd never heard more about it. I thought it would make an interesting book, and with Diamant's immense talents, I think it will be an excellent read. I also got my copy of The Red Tent signed. *squeals*

Now I'm turning my focus to my final revisions. I've received two of the reader reports back on my manuscript, and I need to make a plan for my final edits. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this....

Recovery

After a surge in posting, things have been quiet on here lately.

I'm in recovery mode.

I took my laptop to Apple two weeks ago to fix a few minor things: the case had developed two cracks--after being fixed a year before--and after that repair, my screen also developed an annoying and persistent flicker. Although my warranty ran out, Apple kindly agreed to fix these problems free of charge. I was delighted...until I went to pick up my laptop.

Apparently Apple's policy is to fix any problems that they find, regardless of the scheduled repairs, so it leaves Apple with their stamp of approval. A commendable policy. Unless, of course, they replace the hard drive without alerting you, dispose of it, and you lose everything.

*sigh*

I did a partial backup before the repairs. I saved my novel, of course, and some other stories, but I lost loads of research and music, and other files because I didn't have time or space to back up. Lesson learned for the future! Invest in a $40 flash disk, even if you only have a minor repair. It will save a lot of time and tears.

Thankfully, I found an old flash disk with an older backup version of my writing file, so I recovered some of the files I was fretting over. Now I'm trying to find all my old bookmarks--agents, writing friends and websites: all gone--and slowly setting up my laptop again.

It may be quiet around here as I continue to revamp and personalize my laptop.

Holocaust Stories: Reading, Watching, Writing

There is something so compelling to me about stories from the Holocaust. It was an event that affected millions of lives, and yet every story is different. Some are stories of survival, many are stories of loss, others tell stories of hope and an unexpected spark of kindness encountered during that dark moment in history. I think what draws me most is the intrinsic humanity of these stories. Love is universal. We have mothers, fathers, family, friends. We live in communities that are tenuously bound together by an adherence to certain commonalities, certain common rights; these stories look at what happens when those ties are severed, when rights are revoked, when humanity is lost.

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. Not only am I writing a Holocaust story, but during the past three years I have constantly immersed myself in them in order to research my novel and create a tapestry of life during that period. I go through waves of reading only WWII-era books and watching WWII-era movies. I take a break from time to time since the stories are fraught with emotion, but I still find myself drawn to them. (A good thing since I've invested so much time in this novel!)

Last weekend I finished reading Tatiana de Rosnay's Sarah's Key, which is a beautiful exploration of the importance of remembrance. The novel uses a dual narrative to follow modern day Julia as she uncovers secrets from the past, as well as following young Sarah through her tragic experience of the Holocaust. The aftermath is far-reaching and affects the families of both women. Julia's story could have been a mere sideshow, but she is a fully fleshed character and deals with her own modern issues--a husband gone astray, a pregnancy late in life, and the choices she must make along the way to move forward. I highly recommend it.

And a few weeks ago, we watched Defiance, which is a fascinating look at one small part of Holocaust history. It tells the story of a small partisan group in Poland, which survived the war in hiding, but which also fought back against the Nazis. It is an inspiring story, but I also think it's important to remember that it's one small part of the history. Many people couldn't fight back--children, the elderly--and so many others hoped that it would end soon. They couldn't begin to guess the scale of the Nazi plan or their brutality. However, I definitely recommend the movie.

Next up in the DVD queue: The Reader. I just started reading Sala's Gift, a daughter's true story of the discovery of her mother's Holocaust history. I'm particularly excited about this book because my novel is a mother-daughter story and deals with the daughter's excavation of her mother's hidden past.

To the other writers out there: what stories compel you, and are they the same stories you explore in your own writing?

A Winner

I am SO excited!

I entered a contest last week. I should mention that I never ever win anything. Ever.

But.

I won!

Over at Women on the Web they are running a contest called Words Move Me. To enter the contest, you have to submit a 'literary moment' that inspired you. The prize? A rose-colored Sony Reader Pocket Edition. (!!)

It looks quite lovely. I can't wait.

Here's the announcement, and my winning entry:

OMG, I won!**

I believe there are two chances left to win...

(**Because I am obsessed with language, I must note that there is a stray comma in my entry that shouldn't be there, but it wasn't in the version I submitted. Grammar Geek out.)

Stats

3 years of work

4 pounds of paper

39 chapters

361 pages

93,874 words


This, my friends, is the sum total of my novel as it now stands. I have printed it, photocopied it, and passed it off to my beta readers for feedback(!!).

And now I wait.

Falling for Fall

...all over again.

I love autumn. I think it might be my favorite season. Of course I say that with the advent of spring and summer as well. And Christmas, if it can be considered its own season. (I love the snow of December, not so much February and March, so winter is out of the running.)

With the arrival of fall, all I can think about is pumpkin food!

pumpkins Pumpkins PUMPKINS

Pumpkin scones, pumpkin cheesecake, pumpkin frozen yogurt and ice cream, pumpkin muffins and bread, pumpkin soup, pumpkin ravioli. Gordon Ramsay made a gorgeous pumpkin risotto the other day that had my mouth watering. (I found the recipe! Yay! Must try that next...)

My friend Kristen made a tasty pumpkin chili last night that was to die for. By the way, she just started a new blog called Frosting and Froth that focuses on food, fitness and books, where she also shares her yummy baking recipes and escapades. Check it out. She promises to try her September muffins with pumpkin puree soon!

The one thing pumpkin I don't like--brace yourself--is pumpkin pie. I didn't realize my love of pumpkins until later in life, because pumpkin pie clouded my judgment. Husband is one of the few others I know who doesn't like pumpkin pie. At Thanksgiving we have the fruit pies and the chocolate pie to ourselves, which is brilliant. However, we've discovered that we love pumpkins in just about every other form.

My love of fall foods doesn't end with pumpkins however. I've also developed a love for gourds. There, I've said it. Gourds. Particularly butternut squash. (And did I mention pumpkins?) And also sweet potatoes. None of these foods graced my family table growing up, so I've discovered them slowly over the years, and it's as if a gorgeous autumnal veil has been lifted from my eyes. Behold baked sweet potatoes (with marshmallows if I'm being naughty)! Butternut squash soup! Sweet potato fries! Butternut squash ravioli!

Oddly enough, despite this obsession with fall (and pumpkins), it's ridiculously hot outside, so I can't dive into the baking. It was 95 here yesterday, and today promises a high of 91. I think the autumn season became confused because it's late. I hope it arrives soon. I can't wait for the changing leaves and the arrival of gorgeous fall bounty at the market.

But while I wait, does anyone have any pumpkin recipes they'd like to share?

Random Assortment

...of Thoughts

I've been on a cooking kick lately. It happens. Every other month, or thereabout, I'm bombarded with ideas and the inspiration to cook from scratch. (Just to clarify: I do cook dinner every night, but often it's simple, thrown-together meals.) Last night I made a yummy turkey spinach lasagna--although I forgot the olives, which is a cardinal sin in my family! Today I pulled out some (healthy elk) steaks and have been marinating them in red wine and rosemary. I'm brushing them with fresh ground pepper and salt and then broiling them. (That inspiration was weird for me...I rarely eat red meat anymore, and I cook it even less. And yet I already had it once this week! Perhaps all the running has affected my appetite?) Next I want to make something--anything!--pumpkin. I think pumpkin muffins or bread might be just the thing.

I am a consummate night owl. For about two months I have been on a late night bender. I could not fall asleep, so I never went to bed early. Last week I was a bit under the weather, and therefore finally able to sleep at a decent time. I decided to take advantage of that and slowly transition my schedule to a slightly more normal one. I was in bed before 12:30 last night - quite good for me! However, I started a new book: Sarah's Key. It's a page turner, and it's one of those books with super short chapters, so you keep telling yourself, 'just one more'. Next thing I know, it's 1:45am, and I'm still reading. *sigh* So much for my early night. There's always tomorrow right?

Lastly, my brand new cell phone arrived in the post today. Yay! Now if I can figure it out, I will be a messaging, mobile web-browsing master.

Darker Days

Fall lies just around the corner, tantalizing me with the promise of pumpkins and a painter's landscape of changing and falling leaves in multi-colored hues. Something about fall also draws me to darker stories. Last fall I read the Twilight series and followed with the classic dark tale, Wuthering Heights. In previous years I read The Historian--a new vampire classic, The Thirteenth Tale, and etc. The changing season beckons me to tuck into something with a little more edge, or shall we say a little more bite?

So it's no surprise that I've been tempted by the commercials for a new television series named The Vampire Diaries. I'm not cool enough to have HBO and watch the cult favorite, True Blood, however this new series does have some distinctions of its own. Namely the two main vampire characters: brothers Stefan and Damon, played by Paul Wesley and Ian Somerhalder respectively. Delicious! It has a bit of the Twilight allure to it as well: pretty, but troubled girl (Elena) attends high school and meets gorgeous Stefan, a good vampire who falls for her. Except in this version, he goes there looking for her. I missed the first episode, and therefore some of the details, but she's a dead ringer for his long lost love, Katherine...cue drama in the future. Brother Damon, the evil vampire, shows up and threatens to ruin everything for Stefan again, including his chances with Elena and her mortality. (Mwah ha ha ha!)

Did I mention Stefan gives Elena a copy of Wuthering Heights by Ellis Bell? As in the original 19th century version published under a pseudonym to hide the fact that she was a woman writer? No? Ah, well, suffice it to say that it's among the many reasons I'm intrigued enough to tune in next week.

Obsession

WARNING: This video might make you melt and or spontaneously combust. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Ever since I saw James Morrison live earlier this year, I've been obsessed. (The link is from the actual show I went to, but it's not the best quality video...the performance, however, is raw and divine. I was there! I didn't faint! Woot!) Prior to the concert, I loved his music, but he was so amazing live that I fell in love...and his voice was so beautiful it made me want to cry. I think Mr. Morrison secretly wants to be my lover and sing to me every night. Otherwise, why else would he serenade me so?

Driving Mr. George

One of the organizations I've become involved with since I began the research for my novel is the Holocaust Center of Northern California (HCNC). I volunteer for their Oral History Project (OHP), summarizing and indexing videos of testimonies so that future researchers and students can access them with ease.

Earlier this year I attended HCNC's Day of Learning, which targets high schoolers and educators. It gave me the chance to sit in on panels and hear some of the survivors speak. The lady I work with at the OHP asked if I would be willing to give one of the survivors a ride up to the event. I was nervous to meet George for some reason. I think because I am in awe of the survivors--their courage and the things they saw and faced. Needless to say, George was a remarkable man and we had an interesting conversation. He gave me a copy of his story and two little happy face finger puppets to make me smile and remind me there is always hope. He also made me think a lot about the obstacles that seem so big in my life. When we arrived in San Francisco, the weather was drizzly and miserable, but he said, "I survived Mauthausen, I can handle a little rain!"

Today I gave George a ride to the HCNC's annual Survivor Speakers Bureau and Volunteer Appreciation Lunch. It was great to talk to him again and to see that he always remains positive, despite age, physical limitations and the recent loss of hearing in one ear. As he said, "I arrived in America with only the shirt on my back, two dollars in my pocket, and determination." His story is a constant reminder that you have to look for the best in every situation and make the most out of life.

Tongue Action

I just wanted to show off a picture of my writing and running buddy all tuckered out. Why, what were you thinking? This is not that kind of blog! Drew is the main reason I work on the couch--I can't resist the adorable snuggle.

The Time Traveler's Wife

I have been reading this book, and I adore it. The story is quirky, fun, and original; the romance is beautiful, unexpected, and timeless. Husband took me to the movie tonight, which I've been dying to see. I do wish they'd taken more time to develop the early relationship between Clare and Henry, but other than that I loved it...and I only cried a little. Although it diverges from the book slightly--don't all movies?--how could I resist the prospect of seeing Henry traipsing about in the nude, a la Eric Bana. Oo la la! Plus, Rachel McAdams is one of my favorite young actresses, and she was a great fit for the role. If you love a great romance in the vein of The Notebook, I highly recommend this movie. But the book is an absolute must read.

Motivation

Although my motivation for running is still strong, I cannot seem to garner the same motivation for my writing lately. With running you have instant satisfaction. You see results relatively quickly. It is always satisfying to finish a run, no matter how painful--not to mention the endorphins!

Writing doesn't produce the same results. The work is slow and arduous, and even at the end you don't know if it's any good. There is satisfaction in finishing a writing project, to be sure, but there is also anxiety. I've taken a lot longer than I expected to finish my last bits of work: writing new scenes, cutting scenes that were slowing down the story or unnecessary to its progress, and performing a last read-through.

I am suffering major anxiety as I near the next step. I'm excited to have others read my work, but terrified as well. What if, after all this time and effort, the readers find my novel--as I suspect they will--not quite up to snuff? In reality, it merely means more work, more edits, another revision. I'm more than capable to do that, though I'm sick to death of this novel and ready to move on, no matter how much I love the story. On the other hand--and this is really silly--what if they like it? What if it's ready to go out into the big, wide, scary agent world. Am I ready for that?

Ahh!
(p.s. Thanks for listening to my whinging.)

Score

Although a play on the title of my previous post, this is in no way related to it.

If you are on my facebook, you may already know that I recently scored two pieces of research-related historical memorabilia. While I was traveling, I took my sister up to Washington (the state, not the city), where we found the most wonderful used bookstore (Comstock's Bindery & Bookshop in Auburn, WA, in case you're ever in the area).

Many beautiful old books fought for my attention, but what caught my eye in the end was the collection of old Life Magazines. They are like a time capsule of days gone by. Advertisements for Goodyear Airships, Pond's ("She's Engaged! She's lovely! She uses Pond's!"), and Nescafe instant coffee with added carbohydrates vie for space with the call to buy war bonds and conserve meat, and etc., for the soldiers.

The first one I chose was released October 10, 1938, the week after the Munich Agreement--the catalyst for the opening scene in my novel. It's unbelievable to read articles written at that time, to see pictures of British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain calmly meeting with Hitler and Mussolini, as well as photos of protesters and supporters of the agreement across Europe. Some believed it would bring peace to Europe, others recognized that it would precipitate a second war. No one, of course, could guess the magnitude of that decision.

The other one I chose was dated May 7, 1945, a week after the death of Hitler and the liberation of Dachau, which is also a key moment in my book. It contains some of the first images released to the public showcasing the horrors of the Nazi concentration camps. It also has features on everyday people in post-war Germany and France, as well as coverage of the homage paid to Roosevelt worldwide after his death.


For me, these are priceless artifacts. An illuminating and remarkable peek into the past.

Goal

I have officially begun running again.

(Yay!)

The last few years have been very on again/off again. I wanted to run more, I started multiple times, but each time I tried, I couldn't maintain my energy and didn't have the motivation to push forward.

It's been nearly four years since I ran the marathon, and I'm eager to be a runner again. My thyroid has stabilized (finally!), and I feel energized and motivated. I'm making a goal to train for a race--not a marathon this time--but a half-marathon sounds like a good goal. I haven't decided on a date or a particular race yet--I'm taking the new venture slowly--but I'm shooting for winter or early spring. I think this time it's sticking.

Only in the Pacific Northwest

Oh how I miss thee.