Taking Stock

This post has been a long time in coming. (I'm sure we'll all be sad to see Harry's face leave the masthead, but it must be done.)

In the past few months, so much has happened in my life--weddings, birthdays, a funeral, and travel travel travel--that every time I come here to write about it, there's too much to share. I don't know where to start.

There was the amazing trip to Greece in September (Athens, Mykonos, Santorini, and Crete. Le sigh.). My grandma's sudden and unexpected passing. A best friend's 30th birthday spent in a treehouse hotel. A January luau-themed surprise party in celebration of my mom's 50th. My darling niece's 1st birthday. My father-in-law's re-marriage, as well as a best friend's wedding. When you put it all together, I spent over seven weeks away from home in the last eight months. (Don't get me started on the nine-hour drive home. Ugh.)

And on top of all that, I fell off the blogwagon last summer when I suffered the worst migraine period of my life--having migraines three weeks out of every month from about May to September.

I began this blog to reach out to other writers and to talk about my own writing journey, but with my current focus on finding an agent (and my reluctance to discuss that publicly on the interwebs) I'm finding it hard to think about anything else. (Suffice it to say, it has been both encouraging and discouraging all in one, and I've never checked my email more!)

The reason all this has been on my mind? This is the last week of my twenties(!), and I feel I ought to take stock of my life to date. There are so many things I'm proud to have done in my twenties--finishing college (and more recently, paying it off), writing (and rewriting and rewriting) my novel, running a marathon, skydiving, training my cute puppy into a (mostly) well-behaved dog, traveling abroad alone, getting a tattoo--but there is so much more I want to do and accomplish in the next decade. I'm starting off my thirties with another adventure--friends and family are joining me on a bike ride across the Golden Gate Bridge, something I've wanted to do since we moved here seven years ago. I'm also working my butt off toward my biggest goal--making my novel the best it can be (even if that means more revision) and securing an agent. And this summer, husband and I will celebrate our 10th anniversary (yes, we married young) and commemorate it with a return to England, my favorite place to travel.

So in sum, hello again. (*waves*) I will try to check in more frequently with what's certain to be an interesting year. Oh, and HUZZAH to 30!

Secret Agent

Well, I couldn't type that title and not share this song, could I? Good stuff.

Today I have some exciting things happening. Over at Miss Snark's First Victim the first 250(ish) words of my novel--along with 49 others--will be posted anonymously for critique by this month's secret agent, as well as other writers. If you haven't checked out the Secret Agent contests or Authoress's blog yet, it's well worth a look.

Writing and Running

Writing is a lot like running. Both require stamina and vision, and a wealth of patience. When people compare writing a novel to giving birth, it gives me pause. They're so different. Perhaps if a couple is battling infertility and has to hold on to hope and patience in order to have a baby, then it is similar, but for most couples, it involves the initial action, followed by nine months of waiting. Now before you start throwing things at the blog, I'm not saying it isn't difficult to carry a baby. I have the utmost respect for mothers, however, you don't have to continually work at it. You take care of yourself, visit the doctor regularly, and make sure to follow a set of guidelines.

In my opinion, writing a novel is more like running a marathon. You put in months--sometimes even years--of training, wake up early on weekend mornings to run for hours, run in the evening after work or during lunch breaks in an effort to get in the miles. Your diet and sleep schedule revolve around your runs. (Trust me, you don't want to eat or drink the wrong thing before a long run!) You have little time for friends, other than running buddies. And when the big race day finally arrives, you fight not only a physical battle to reach the finish line, but more importantly, you fight a mental battle to convince yourself that you can indeed keep running, even though it's already been 20 miles and your knee hurts and your feet are swelling and you're not entirely convinced that you can even lift your feet on your own accord to run 6.2 more! That is how writing a novel feels to me at times. I spent two years researching and writing the first draft, and at the end felt such a rush of accomplishment, until I realized I had only completed the first 20 miles; I still had editing and revisions, and major plot holes, and could I really do this what the heck was I thinking?!

I feel like I'm on mile 25.2 right now. Only one mile to go...but what a long mile it seems!

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and...

...finally a new post!

I meant to write a Christmas post, and then again a New Year's post, but the best laid plans and all that. We had a nice relaxing Christmas here, which was a pleasant change from our usual shuttling between families at the holidays, but I missed my family immensely. Thank goodness for technology though! I chatted with my mom, sisters, and new little niece over Skype, which was lovely. My niece, who is five months old, got quite upset after awhile when she discovered she couldn't reach me. So adorable.

The cutest niece ever in her bear jammies.

I'm excited for the new year and a new decade, but I'm not one for New Year's resolutions. They always feel too forced. I'm much more likely to keep a birthday resolution or meet a writing goal that has some time and planning to support it. However, despite my lack of official resolutions, I am working toward a goal: I want to finish my final revisions and manuscript tweaks--the technical definition--and get my novel query into the hands of agents soon. I haven't set an exact goal date yet, as I'm reviewing my list of revisions to do, but I'm shooting for the next month or two. (Eek!)

Here's to a bright and shiny 2010, and best wishes to all the other writers and dreamers out there!

Stats

3 years of work

4 pounds of paper

39 chapters

361 pages

93,874 words


This, my friends, is the sum total of my novel as it now stands. I have printed it, photocopied it, and passed it off to my beta readers for feedback(!!).

And now I wait.

Motivation

Although my motivation for running is still strong, I cannot seem to garner the same motivation for my writing lately. With running you have instant satisfaction. You see results relatively quickly. It is always satisfying to finish a run, no matter how painful--not to mention the endorphins!

Writing doesn't produce the same results. The work is slow and arduous, and even at the end you don't know if it's any good. There is satisfaction in finishing a writing project, to be sure, but there is also anxiety. I've taken a lot longer than I expected to finish my last bits of work: writing new scenes, cutting scenes that were slowing down the story or unnecessary to its progress, and performing a last read-through.

I am suffering major anxiety as I near the next step. I'm excited to have others read my work, but terrified as well. What if, after all this time and effort, the readers find my novel--as I suspect they will--not quite up to snuff? In reality, it merely means more work, more edits, another revision. I'm more than capable to do that, though I'm sick to death of this novel and ready to move on, no matter how much I love the story. On the other hand--and this is really silly--what if they like it? What if it's ready to go out into the big, wide, scary agent world. Am I ready for that?

Ahh!
(p.s. Thanks for listening to my whinging.)

Moving On

I wish I knew how established writers do it. Every time I finish part of the novel--say the first draft, or completing a revision--I have to begin again. I never know where to start. Each time I try to establish a new work plan, but I flounder until eventually I happen upon something that works for me. Do others struggle with this?

I think, in truth, the next step should be easy. Right now I have to focus on writing the new scenes I need and cutting old ones I flagged. (Plus, I'm doing some research hole-filling reading.) But I'm worrying ahead of myself, thinking of the step after that. The one where people read my full novel. I'm trying to decide who and when, and it's all a little terrifying. At times like this, I think I might be insane. Why did I decide to write a novel, again?

Bam!

Quick update: I finished my revision!

(At 4am last night/this morning, if you must know.)

Huzzah!

Sadly, I'm not celebrating yet, because I have to finish typing in the edits, and I fell behind a few chapters in order to keep my editing pace. (For some ridiculous reason, I can only do small edits on the screen. For large revisions I need good old-fashioned (red) pen and paper.)

I'm running low on fuel after weeks of late nights and little sleep, but I have to hold on a bit longer. Next week we drive home for graduation/baby shower madness, so my deadline is firm.

See you this side of next week, gin in hand.

Woeful Winces

I'm wincing at the stupidity of publicly pronouncing my goal completion date for this draft. I'm woefully behind, and although I thought it was a realistic goal, I have yet to meet my targeted number of pages for the day. I am making progress, but it's been painfully slow. I linger over sentences for ages--dwelling on each word--maybe finishing a page an hour at the most. I wish I could work faster, but I suppose this is my process. Any advice from the cheering section? I need a little shove, but please don't be too hard on me if I miss my mark.

I don't have any volunteers for the Pay it Forward gesture yet, so I'm making one final plea. I would love to put together parcels for three participants, and I swear it's fun and inspirational! If you want to participate, leave a comment on my post. By volunteering you agree to pay it forward to three more people on your own blog once you receive your package.

February Ups and Downs

Lately I've been feeling a bit down, but I'm chalking it up to the February Blues. This is my least favorite month. It's cold without the benefit of Christmas or New Years, and with the dreaded Valentine's Day thrown in, it always seems to go awry. Thankfully it will be over soon.

I tend to blog less during these periods because I hate writing depressing posts. In fact, I think I'll add pictures from my recent trip to Maui to cheer things up:
Top Left: Chang Beach in Wailea, the site of the wedding. Top Right: Sunset from Haleakala. (Incidentally, the temperature dropped 40 degrees as we drove up Haleakala, which is at 10,000 feet elevation.) Bottom Left: A Humpback Whale slapping its tail, as seen on our snorkeling cruise. Bottom Right: Entrance to the Bamboo Forest where we hiked on the road to Hana.

Anyway, the editing has been a roller coaster ride lately. Some days I inch along and feel like my book will never meet it's full potential, while other days I'm excited about my story and get pages and pages done. I think I pulled myself out of the dumps by creating a new 'plan' for the second draft completion, although it doesn't scare all the bad editing days away. I shy away from announcing my goals so loudly, but I think it might motivate me if I share it with you. I'm aiming to complete the second draft on April 3rd, which just happens to be the day after my birthday. Hopefully I'll be celebrating double that weekend. I am planning a third draft, but hopefully it won't take nearly as long as the first or second.

On another note, I still have slots open for the Pay It Forward gesture and would love to have people participate. The first three who agree to 'pay it forward' and sign up in the comments on that post will receive a gift from me.

On Balance

I received two rejection letters in the last two days, but I also returned home to my lovely signed and personalized copy of Caroline's Disraeli Avenue, an Amazon giftcard, and my beautiful present from husband, which I had to leave behind while we traveled to Oregon for Christmas last week:


I was also somewhat heartened to learn that the finalists and runner's up in the contest where I submitted one piece, included not only well-published writers, but also tenured writing professors.

I had a lovely time with family and friends, and we enjoyed a white Christmas, but I'm glad to be back in my own space with a return to 60-degree weather in California. (I think Drew would love to be a snow dog though.)

Scribblings

Muchas gracias to JJ for the Superior Scribbler Award.

The Rules
1. Every superior scribbler must name five other super scribblers.
2. Link back to the author and the name of the blog that gave you the award.
3. Display the award and link to this post, which explains the award.
4. Add your name to the Mr Linky List, some way down this page, as a record of who the superest scribblers are.

I pass it on to the following deserving super scribblers:

Marmite and Tea for completing the insanely difficult NaNoWriMo!

Paige at The Last Word who also completed crazy NaNoWriMo.

(Can you tell I'm in awe of writing 50,000 words in one month? And perhaps, just a teensy weensy bit jealous?)

Hullaballoo for her thoughtful and entertaining scribblings.

Caroline for being an inspiring writer and sharing her talents with others.

Jen of Spiral Skies for her funny posts, finishing her novel, and keeping up with constant writing (and other creative!) classes.

Enjoy your well deserved award, ladies.
--

I haven't updated here in awhile because I've been busy working on the second draft of my novel. I'm working my way through it--currently on Chapter 10 (out of 15)--despite the fact that the numbers over there haven't increased. ----> I've found it's too difficult to keep an accurate word count because I keep inserting editing comments into my documents, which throws off the numbers. Hey ho. I've also sent off various pieces of writing for contests and things during the past two months, so I'm feeling quite productive. (And terrified. Ahem.)

I'm also keeping busy finishing my crafty Christmas gifts, which proved more difficult than expected. (I'll post pictures and explain later.) We're planning our trip home for Christmas, as well as a trip to Maui in February for my sister's wedding. Phew. I hope everyone is enjoying the holiday season.

Reading, (writing), and watching

I'm in one of those funks where I'm reading four books at once and all very slowly. I'm still reading The Grapes of Wrath, and in fact still enjoying it, but my attention span is short. I also started Stephen King's On Writing, and since I'm now halfway through, that may have something to do with my slowing progress through TGoW. (I'm also reading I Was a Child of Holocaust Survivors as part of my ongoing research, along with The Thyroid Solution for answers to my health questions.) Maybe it's the arrival of autumn. Darkness encroaches earlier in the evening and when I wake the light has not yet filled my room.

Do you find your reading habits change with the seasons?

Perhaps the surfeit of yummy new television shows is related as well. Last year's new fave, Life, has returned in all its quirky entertainment. I'm still testing out 90210 and Lipstick Jungle, and I've added House and Bones to my viewing repertoire. Sheesh. I never used to be such a TV girl, but it's so relaxing in the evening when I'm tired. Hopefully a few shows will fall by the wayside as the season progresses.

This weekend we went to see The Duchess, and I thought it was very well done. I really enjoyed the movie, even if it was a bit sad. I'm endlessly amazed by Ralph Fiennes's ablility to enbody such savage roles, particularly the most evil characters (Voldemort, Red Dragon, Amon Goeth), although this character was complex, awkward, and cruel rather than evil. And Keira Knightley was lovely, as always.

On the writing front I have little to report. The second draft is progressing along at a snail's pace. I've taken a step back to refine a few selected chapters, but I'm inching along with the editing on Chapter 8. I'm hoping to turn the tide this week and find a new reserve of energy to carry me through this edit.

Writing for a Living

Quote from Narrative Magazine's "Reflections on How Writers Make a Living":

"Few occupations require so many hours of work from one person to produce the marketable good. Some simple math: This summer saw the U. S. federal minimum wage rise to $6.55 an hour, a figure somewhat increased in certain states. Let us imagine a writer who spends two years writing a first novel, working full-time—quite a clip for a first book—and sells the novel for an excellent advance of $25,000. In every state, she would have found a counter job at McDonald’s more lucrative."

And this fact is what I've been stressing about for weeks--okay, months and months. However, it pleases me to read that finishing a first novel in two years, writing full-time, is considered possible, but difficult. (I am nearing the two year mark and am feeling uncertain about it.)

Dust off

I'm picking myself up and dusting myself off. This weekend I learned that a journal rejected the short story I submitted for a contest. Sadly, they don't even send form rejection letters. I found out by checking my submission status online - my status changed from "In process - we are reading your submission" to "Complete - we finished reading your story and will not be publishing it." Sweet. Two years ago I would have cried about the rejection, but I finally seem to be developing a thicker skin. I immediately began searching for a new place to submit. C'est la vie.

It sucks to be a writer sometimes. I spend my time researching (aka, reading books and traveling to cool archival libraries in the city) and creating new worlds (albeit out of old ones). I work at home and wear my favorite jeans, tshirt, and flip flops, and my assistant requires constant attention and the occasional walk or tug.

Drew, the writer dog and assistant extraordinaire.

It's a rough life. Can I please trade it all in for the cubicle and the office sludge, er, coffee?

p.s. Since my humor doesn't always come through, I am being completely sarcastic. (Well about the last bit anyway, I really did get rejected, and the pay really does suck.)

Nerve

My online writing course is going well so far. It's a lot like a normal writing workshop, only we post our writing assignments and feedback on a discussion board and meet once a week to chat online about our work.

Today I submitted the third section from my novel - the first fifteen pages of chapter three. I'm nervous. Nobody has read this chapter. Two people read chapters one and two last year. I did a lot of substantive editing on those chapters, but chapter three hasn't been through a deep edit and is by far the roughest chapter in the novel as it stands. I struggled with writing this chapter more than any other. I know it needs a lot of work, but I'm at a loss where to begin.

Sometimes feedback helps cast the writing in a new light and I know exactly what to do, other times it makes me want to crawl in a hole and hide. There's this urge in writing workshops to give others your best work so they will tell you how good it is, but the real challenge comes in submitting work that you know is not your best.

Focus...Melting

Ever have one of those days where you read and reread a sentence and never divine its meaning? I'm having one of those.
I've decided it's just too hot and my brain is frying. Though admittedly hotter yesterday, I was spectacularly productive. I finished typing the first of my novel notebooks (out of two-and-a-third total), which brings me to 139 manuscript pages. I wrote my hundred words, ran to the store, plus various other bits and bobs.
Today? Zilch, nada, nothing. I thought my cold shower this morning would shake off the lethargy, but the 100˚ heat is making me slow and grumpy.
Could someone please send us some lovely showers? California is burning and I'm melting! (mwah ha ha.)

Flushed

Apparently my characters were tired of their lot in my story and decided to take matters into their own hands. I've been working on this novel for ages, but they’ve only recently begun to appear in my dreams and take on a life of their own.

After a discussion with Husband, and later my writing course instructor, I decided the novel needs a new storyline to strengthen the plot. For months I've wondered whether the secret at the heart of the novel contains enough tension to hold the plot together. In the back of my mind there has been a secondary storyline, which would add tension to the story, but I worried it might be too dramatic. I thought it would merely add more sadness for my characters.

When I sat down to write this week, I expected a long slog through more sad scenes, but what I didn’t expect was a secret passionate tryst. (Oh my!) These two have minds of their own, and they are certainly one-track. (I'm thinking I need to do some character reevaluation earlier in the chapter?) I felt naughty writing the scenes, as if I were a peeping tom, which is strange since I created them, but I guess once they take on a life of their own, they seem too real.

Do your characters ever surprise you?

The oh-so-glamorous writing life

I think ideas should visit during office hours and not at 2:00 in the morning, because sneaking to the bathroom with my notebook and pen and writing on the toilet is not exactly the glamorous writer's life I imagined.

(Then again, the hoodie-and-jeans 'work suit' and the undone hair should have been my first clue...)
Somehow I don't think Husband imagined this career choice would involve his wife fumbling in the dark for her bedside notebook in the middle of the night, since he jumped out of bed thinking Drew was eating something plastic. Um, no, that would be me breaking my tiny bedside reading light in the midst of an epiphany. Oh dear.

Pretty words

My synopsis as a wordle