Hiding

Hello?

Anyone out there?

It appears the blog needs another good dust-off since I last wrote.

I spent the past month in my editing hidey-hole, but I finished the *final* revision this week! I am beyond excited, but also mildly terrified, because that means I have to take the next step on this journey.

I wrote my query letter, made my list of preliminary agents, and now it's go time.

*Eek*

I plan to start sketching and outlining book 2 soon, but could use a small break in between. Meanwhile, I have a pile of books to read, a synopsis to write (just in case), and a pool to visit for some vitamin D time, but I would like to avoid the obsessive email-check-itis.

So. Any ideas for distraction while I wade into query territory?

Note to self...

In the future, don't edit the intimate scenes at public coffeeshops!

Yesterday I spent a few of my holiday hours working on the novel revisions. Somehow I didn't realize just what chapter I was on, until I was stuck there, peeking over my shoulder every five seconds to make sure know one could read my writing! So embarrassing. Although, it did increase my editing speed immensely! *giggles*

Do you ever find yourself looking over your shoulder when you read or write romantic scenes?

Surprise!

I awoke this morning to a lovely surprise:

(With flowers he brought me yesterday!)

Husband left a present for me, and it's not even my birthday, Christmas, or our anniversary! A rare treat.

This weekend I told him I felt petulant about my work. I'm tired of editing, tired of reading the same words over and over and over and tired of endlessly streamlining my novel. I suppose anyone who has revisited a project 50 million times would want to stomp their feet and throw it out the window. The chapter that induced this irritation wasn't even a difficult edit, in fact, it's in pretty good shape, but I'm ready to move on already. New characters and story ideas are clamoring for my attention, trying to lure me away with their newness. Of course, I'm ignoring them until I'm done going through this manuscript with a fine-tooth comb, but not without a little teeth-gnashing. *grins*

Being a native Pacific Northwesterner, I love me some fleeces, and I've wanted a lightweight North Face fleece for some time. Inside the bag, I found this:

Rockin' a fierce myspace pose in my pretty blue. ;)

A gorgeous light blue (my favorite color!) North Face fleece. He said he's proud of what I've accomplished and wanted to cheer me up in face of the petulant chapters. (Ah! At this point, I teared up a bit. Ahem.) However, it made me giggle to think of my chapters being petulant--stomping around the office, pouting like naughty children. The best part is that, with all the weird cold spring weather we've had this year, I could actually wear it today!

Feeling less petulant as I approach the page in my pretty blue fleece this evening...

Busy Bee

Just checking in to say hi since it's been awhile.

*Waves hello*

I'm keeping myself quite busy adding my final revisions, and my perfectionist tendencies mean added time editing every last line of every last chapter again, but I'm so excited to be near the end! Light. End. Tunnel. After I finish, I'm going to bed early and sleeping in late. (Party, party!) No more of this going to bed in the early morning business. (At least for a short time. Once a night owl...)

Since I'm working (nearly) around the clock, I haven't had time for much else, but I'm a sap, so Husband took me to see Letters to Juliet tonight after I squealed over every preview for the last few months. It lived up to my expectations and was the perfect romantic fix. I loved the leading ladies--Vanessa Redgrave was radiant and Amanda Seyfried was adorable. Unfortunately, it made us want to return to Italy. Now that's an idea! In addition, I finally got around to reading the Sookie Stackhouse series, and even though I'm only sneaking in a few pages here and there, I'm on book two, Living Dead in Dallas, and loving it.

Oh, and speaking of Bees, come back on Thursday for a sneak peek at Caroline's fabulous new novel! I cannot wait to get my hands on it.

The Opening

I spent most of the day rewriting my novel's opening scene for the 500 millionth time! Okay, so I might be exaggerating slightly, but because I have rewritten it dozens of times over the last four years, it feels like the bazillionth time.

My novel didn't come to me as a fully-formed story. It came to me in flashes of scenes, glimpses of characters, and small notions. It only grew into a developed story after a lot of planning and even more writing. I envy writers who approach the page with a full-fledged idea. Even in these final revisions, I've added new scenes and storylines (albeit minor ones that complement the whole). Last year when I worked on the rewrite, I cut out major scenes and changed whole storylines. I'm an organized planner, but my writing style seems to be more chaotic. As frustrating as that is for me, nothing feels more satisfactory than finally nailing that troublesome scene.

I'm off to celebrate with some Red Velvet Cake frozen yogurt. Oh yes, it does exist!

FINAL Final?

I'm working through the last revisions on my novel. My husband and mom worry that I'm endlessly nitpicking and will never finish to my satisfaction. I do have a tendency to obsess over details (ahem), thus my editorial past, but I'm trying to view my work objectively, with an editorial eye. I have a list of items that need to be addressed, and I know the novel won't be strong enough until I attend to them. I can't help but wonder though, how do you know when you've finally reached The End?

Jamie Ford, author of my favorite book from 2009, Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet, wrote an interesting post about this recently. By his description, I'm the type of writer who slooooows the whole process to a near crawl. If I'm not careful, I might look up one day to discover my husband has grayed on me overnight! I'm simultaneously excited and terrified to reach the finish line. I want everything to be just right when I send the manuscript to agents. I only have one shot at this, after all. How do others get past this fear and cross the finish line?

Sala

Last night Husband took me to San Francisco to attend an event at the Jewish Community Center there. Ann Kirschner spoke about her book, Sala's Gift (which I mentioned a few weeks ago), and the Center had the accompanying traveling exhibit on display.

The book details the story of how Ann discovered her mother's hidden Holocaust past, but it also tells her mother's story through the over 300 letters and postcards she hid during the war.

This book piqued my interest, in particular, because it is the story of a 'silent' survivor. We hear about the survivors who share their stories, but so many more kept them hidden for years, even from their own children. In my novel I write about a silent survivor and the effect of that silence on her relationship with her daughter; I also explore how the revelation of her secret affects her daughter. It was great to discover a real life equivalent with such a hopeful ending.

For more about Sala's story, see the page for Sala's Gift here.

On a related note, when we arrived at the Center it saddened me to discover that they must search the trunk of every car entering the parking garage, because anti-semitism is still a very real threat, even in cosmopolitan San Francisco. I cannot understand how there are still people in the world who hate others just because they were born different than them. We've come a long way, but we still have so far to go.

Holocaust Stories: Reading, Watching, Writing

There is something so compelling to me about stories from the Holocaust. It was an event that affected millions of lives, and yet every story is different. Some are stories of survival, many are stories of loss, others tell stories of hope and an unexpected spark of kindness encountered during that dark moment in history. I think what draws me most is the intrinsic humanity of these stories. Love is universal. We have mothers, fathers, family, friends. We live in communities that are tenuously bound together by an adherence to certain commonalities, certain common rights; these stories look at what happens when those ties are severed, when rights are revoked, when humanity is lost.

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. Not only am I writing a Holocaust story, but during the past three years I have constantly immersed myself in them in order to research my novel and create a tapestry of life during that period. I go through waves of reading only WWII-era books and watching WWII-era movies. I take a break from time to time since the stories are fraught with emotion, but I still find myself drawn to them. (A good thing since I've invested so much time in this novel!)

Last weekend I finished reading Tatiana de Rosnay's Sarah's Key, which is a beautiful exploration of the importance of remembrance. The novel uses a dual narrative to follow modern day Julia as she uncovers secrets from the past, as well as following young Sarah through her tragic experience of the Holocaust. The aftermath is far-reaching and affects the families of both women. Julia's story could have been a mere sideshow, but she is a fully fleshed character and deals with her own modern issues--a husband gone astray, a pregnancy late in life, and the choices she must make along the way to move forward. I highly recommend it.

And a few weeks ago, we watched Defiance, which is a fascinating look at one small part of Holocaust history. It tells the story of a small partisan group in Poland, which survived the war in hiding, but which also fought back against the Nazis. It is an inspiring story, but I also think it's important to remember that it's one small part of the history. Many people couldn't fight back--children, the elderly--and so many others hoped that it would end soon. They couldn't begin to guess the scale of the Nazi plan or their brutality. However, I definitely recommend the movie.

Next up in the DVD queue: The Reader. I just started reading Sala's Gift, a daughter's true story of the discovery of her mother's Holocaust history. I'm particularly excited about this book because my novel is a mother-daughter story and deals with the daughter's excavation of her mother's hidden past.

To the other writers out there: what stories compel you, and are they the same stories you explore in your own writing?

Stats

3 years of work

4 pounds of paper

39 chapters

361 pages

93,874 words


This, my friends, is the sum total of my novel as it now stands. I have printed it, photocopied it, and passed it off to my beta readers for feedback(!!).

And now I wait.

Motivation

Although my motivation for running is still strong, I cannot seem to garner the same motivation for my writing lately. With running you have instant satisfaction. You see results relatively quickly. It is always satisfying to finish a run, no matter how painful--not to mention the endorphins!

Writing doesn't produce the same results. The work is slow and arduous, and even at the end you don't know if it's any good. There is satisfaction in finishing a writing project, to be sure, but there is also anxiety. I've taken a lot longer than I expected to finish my last bits of work: writing new scenes, cutting scenes that were slowing down the story or unnecessary to its progress, and performing a last read-through.

I am suffering major anxiety as I near the next step. I'm excited to have others read my work, but terrified as well. What if, after all this time and effort, the readers find my novel--as I suspect they will--not quite up to snuff? In reality, it merely means more work, more edits, another revision. I'm more than capable to do that, though I'm sick to death of this novel and ready to move on, no matter how much I love the story. On the other hand--and this is really silly--what if they like it? What if it's ready to go out into the big, wide, scary agent world. Am I ready for that?

Ahh!
(p.s. Thanks for listening to my whinging.)

Score

Although a play on the title of my previous post, this is in no way related to it.

If you are on my facebook, you may already know that I recently scored two pieces of research-related historical memorabilia. While I was traveling, I took my sister up to Washington (the state, not the city), where we found the most wonderful used bookstore (Comstock's Bindery & Bookshop in Auburn, WA, in case you're ever in the area).

Many beautiful old books fought for my attention, but what caught my eye in the end was the collection of old Life Magazines. They are like a time capsule of days gone by. Advertisements for Goodyear Airships, Pond's ("She's Engaged! She's lovely! She uses Pond's!"), and Nescafe instant coffee with added carbohydrates vie for space with the call to buy war bonds and conserve meat, and etc., for the soldiers.

The first one I chose was released October 10, 1938, the week after the Munich Agreement--the catalyst for the opening scene in my novel. It's unbelievable to read articles written at that time, to see pictures of British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain calmly meeting with Hitler and Mussolini, as well as photos of protesters and supporters of the agreement across Europe. Some believed it would bring peace to Europe, others recognized that it would precipitate a second war. No one, of course, could guess the magnitude of that decision.

The other one I chose was dated May 7, 1945, a week after the death of Hitler and the liberation of Dachau, which is also a key moment in my book. It contains some of the first images released to the public showcasing the horrors of the Nazi concentration camps. It also has features on everyday people in post-war Germany and France, as well as coverage of the homage paid to Roosevelt worldwide after his death.


For me, these are priceless artifacts. An illuminating and remarkable peek into the past.

Moving On

I wish I knew how established writers do it. Every time I finish part of the novel--say the first draft, or completing a revision--I have to begin again. I never know where to start. Each time I try to establish a new work plan, but I flounder until eventually I happen upon something that works for me. Do others struggle with this?

I think, in truth, the next step should be easy. Right now I have to focus on writing the new scenes I need and cutting old ones I flagged. (Plus, I'm doing some research hole-filling reading.) But I'm worrying ahead of myself, thinking of the step after that. The one where people read my full novel. I'm trying to decide who and when, and it's all a little terrifying. At times like this, I think I might be insane. Why did I decide to write a novel, again?

Surfacing

I'm surfacing from my editing cave, covered in red ink, and thrilled to see those two little words, like a beacon of light at the end of a long, dark tunnel.

The End. Though it's not really. The end, that is. Characters still clamor for attention. I have new scenes to write, and scenes to surgically cut from the opening chapters. But I couldn't be more thrilled! I reached my goal, and now THE END is in sight.

I want to shout out thanks to blog readers who visited with words of encouragement during my period of silence. They fueled and motivated me. You are all lovely!

Bam!

Quick update: I finished my revision!

(At 4am last night/this morning, if you must know.)

Huzzah!

Sadly, I'm not celebrating yet, because I have to finish typing in the edits, and I fell behind a few chapters in order to keep my editing pace. (For some ridiculous reason, I can only do small edits on the screen. For large revisions I need good old-fashioned (red) pen and paper.)

I'm running low on fuel after weeks of late nights and little sleep, but I have to hold on a bit longer. Next week we drive home for graduation/baby shower madness, so my deadline is firm.

See you this side of next week, gin in hand.

Offline

I'm a bad blogger. I keep meaning to post writing updates; I often have random ideas and think, "Hey, that would be a good post." But I don't get around to it.

We entered our 'busy season' early last month, and I'm trying to keep my head above water. We made it through the spring birthday season (Husband and I, plus two parents, a grandma, a brother-in-law, and numerous friends) and mother's day. On the writing front, I submitted short pieces to four separate journals and attended two events in San Francisco by the HCNC for my research. (At the second event I chaperoned a survivor, which was an honor and a great experience. A story I wanted to share, but alas, the moment is gone.)

But soon we enter the real pandemonium.

In three weeks we're heading home for a long weekend, which will include sister C's 18th birthday, sister A's baby shower (which I'm helping to plan), a graduation and graduation party. When we return, we have a wedding and baby shower the same afternoon. July brings my baby niece, a wedding and sister B's birthday (on the same day, incidentally), as well as my ten-year school reunion, which I may or may not attend.

For some reason I thought this would finally be our quiet summer. Ha!

On top of all that, Husband and I devised a new work schedule for me. I was struggling with my edits, so he created a goal-oriented incentive program to keep me on track. I work well on a deadline. My aggressive goal is to finish this revision by the end of May. (For which I will receive a nice dinner, a pair of shoes, AND a new outfit!) If I reach this goal, I will have revised over 130 pages in May. Suffice it to say, I have not slept much the past two weeks.

All of this is to tell you I am sorry for being a bad blogger, and I promise to return to some kind of regular schedule after I finish this draft. Also, I have not forgotten my pay-it-forward recipients. I am almost finished with the gifts and will have them in the mail shortly! I'm signing off for now, but hope to see everyone in blogland again soon.

Spring

April showers bring May flowers, or so 'they' say. Our flowers began blooming last weekend when it was gloriously sunny, but spring showers followed nonetheless, bringing along overcast skies and darkened mornings.

Husband's jasmine is blooming on the patio, leaving a gorgeous aroma outside, and I've put a cluster of daffies on the table to brighten up my writing area. I love daffodils. They add a small dose of sunshine and cheer.

We spent last weekend in a flurry of spring cleaning, and since we didn't finish, the remnants are piled here and there, disrupting our space and forcing us to attack the remainder of the cleaning next weekend. I finally worked up the stamina to clear my closet, dresser, and even (*gasp*) my shoe and bag collections. I come from a family of hoarders, so I always feel satisfied when I remove unnecessary clutter.

Speaking of unnecessary clutter, I'm making progress (however slowly) through my edit. I'm on chapter 10 of 15, and I distilled the first three pages of this chapter into three post-it notes, which was satisfying. I also cut a few pages entirely. The pages look like a bloody mess, but hopefully the aggressive cuts will improve the writing and the story.

February Ups and Downs

Lately I've been feeling a bit down, but I'm chalking it up to the February Blues. This is my least favorite month. It's cold without the benefit of Christmas or New Years, and with the dreaded Valentine's Day thrown in, it always seems to go awry. Thankfully it will be over soon.

I tend to blog less during these periods because I hate writing depressing posts. In fact, I think I'll add pictures from my recent trip to Maui to cheer things up:
Top Left: Chang Beach in Wailea, the site of the wedding. Top Right: Sunset from Haleakala. (Incidentally, the temperature dropped 40 degrees as we drove up Haleakala, which is at 10,000 feet elevation.) Bottom Left: A Humpback Whale slapping its tail, as seen on our snorkeling cruise. Bottom Right: Entrance to the Bamboo Forest where we hiked on the road to Hana.

Anyway, the editing has been a roller coaster ride lately. Some days I inch along and feel like my book will never meet it's full potential, while other days I'm excited about my story and get pages and pages done. I think I pulled myself out of the dumps by creating a new 'plan' for the second draft completion, although it doesn't scare all the bad editing days away. I shy away from announcing my goals so loudly, but I think it might motivate me if I share it with you. I'm aiming to complete the second draft on April 3rd, which just happens to be the day after my birthday. Hopefully I'll be celebrating double that weekend. I am planning a third draft, but hopefully it won't take nearly as long as the first or second.

On another note, I still have slots open for the Pay It Forward gesture and would love to have people participate. The first three who agree to 'pay it forward' and sign up in the comments on that post will receive a gift from me.

Unexpected

I forgot that I participated in a survey for St. Martin's Reading Group Gold after I volunteered at Book Group Expo back in October. The survey mentioned a complimentary book, but somehow that escaped my memory, so it came as an unexpected surprise when a package arrived in the mail today bearing a free book. Huzzah! That is always a good thing. I hadn't heard of the book, Firefly Lane by Kristin Hannah, but it looks intriguing and has a lovely cover, not to mention that it takes place in the Pacific Northwest, my home.

In other unexpected news...
I noticed today that the pages weren't numbered in the last two chapters I worked on. When I inserted them, I discovered I'm on page 298. (OMG!) Tomorrow I will breach 300 manuscript pages, and I still have three chapters to read through. Oh dear. I fear I'm going to have to cut at least 50 pages from the manuscript when I finish this draft, although given some of the drivel I've been reading, that may not be too hard. I may cut half that number in adverbs alone!

Scribblings

Muchas gracias to JJ for the Superior Scribbler Award.

The Rules
1. Every superior scribbler must name five other super scribblers.
2. Link back to the author and the name of the blog that gave you the award.
3. Display the award and link to this post, which explains the award.
4. Add your name to the Mr Linky List, some way down this page, as a record of who the superest scribblers are.

I pass it on to the following deserving super scribblers:

Marmite and Tea for completing the insanely difficult NaNoWriMo!

Paige at The Last Word who also completed crazy NaNoWriMo.

(Can you tell I'm in awe of writing 50,000 words in one month? And perhaps, just a teensy weensy bit jealous?)

Hullaballoo for her thoughtful and entertaining scribblings.

Caroline for being an inspiring writer and sharing her talents with others.

Jen of Spiral Skies for her funny posts, finishing her novel, and keeping up with constant writing (and other creative!) classes.

Enjoy your well deserved award, ladies.
--

I haven't updated here in awhile because I've been busy working on the second draft of my novel. I'm working my way through it--currently on Chapter 10 (out of 15)--despite the fact that the numbers over there haven't increased. ----> I've found it's too difficult to keep an accurate word count because I keep inserting editing comments into my documents, which throws off the numbers. Hey ho. I've also sent off various pieces of writing for contests and things during the past two months, so I'm feeling quite productive. (And terrified. Ahem.)

I'm also keeping busy finishing my crafty Christmas gifts, which proved more difficult than expected. (I'll post pictures and explain later.) We're planning our trip home for Christmas, as well as a trip to Maui in February for my sister's wedding. Phew. I hope everyone is enjoying the holiday season.

Music in the Silence

I haven't had much inspiration to blog regularly, so I've been quieter than usual in blogland. However, I thought I'd share something on here. I got the idea from Stephanie Meyer's website. She shares the playlists she listened to while she wrote each of her novels. I thought it was a cool idea, so I spent some time last week creating a playlist of my own for At the End of Silence. Unfortunately a few of my favorite songs weren't on playlist.com--the site where I created my list--but they're listed below, if anyone is interested:

"Prayer to St. Peter" by Edwin McCain
"Life Uncommon" by Jewel
"Jewish Town" by Itzhak Perlman (from the Schindler's List soundtrack)
"I'll Be Seeing You" by Liberace

My playlist has become almost compulsory background noise while I write. It sets the different moods for my story so well, I'm addicted to it. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.