Nostalgia

Nostalgia is the scent of winter firewood lightly perfuming the dry high desert air. It is the crisp blue skies of morning, the swirling pink sunsets of twilight, and the inky black nights with a sparkling display of stars. It's the majestic view of mountains covered in snow, and the less charming sight of roadside snow colored deep red by the local cinders which provide traction against the ice. It is tall magnificent trees, mountain lakes, buttes, and the sparse high desert landscape of pine, juniper, and sage.
I am suffering from homesickness more and more lately. Bouts of crippling nostalgia overwhelm me at times, and I can hardly explain where they come from or why. I traveled home to Oregon five times last year--a record since we moved south--and that certainly hasn't helped matters. Although California is now my home, I don't always feel at home. I like living here. There are many great things about it, not least the mild climate and the wealth of activities and culture in the bay area. But sometimes I just miss the familiar:
I love the snow in winter, the dry heat, the unpredictable weather. Gorgeous mountain views greet you every morning. People are friendly and life is an adventure, not a race. Most importantly for me, I have a network of family and friends. I have a group of best friends--girls who have been there for me, whether near or far, for over a decade. You can't build that kind of life in six years, no matter how hard you try. I do love my little life here, but that's how it feels sometimes: little.

Recovery

After a surge in posting, things have been quiet on here lately.

I'm in recovery mode.

I took my laptop to Apple two weeks ago to fix a few minor things: the case had developed two cracks--after being fixed a year before--and after that repair, my screen also developed an annoying and persistent flicker. Although my warranty ran out, Apple kindly agreed to fix these problems free of charge. I was delighted...until I went to pick up my laptop.

Apparently Apple's policy is to fix any problems that they find, regardless of the scheduled repairs, so it leaves Apple with their stamp of approval. A commendable policy. Unless, of course, they replace the hard drive without alerting you, dispose of it, and you lose everything.

*sigh*

I did a partial backup before the repairs. I saved my novel, of course, and some other stories, but I lost loads of research and music, and other files because I didn't have time or space to back up. Lesson learned for the future! Invest in a $40 flash disk, even if you only have a minor repair. It will save a lot of time and tears.

Thankfully, I found an old flash disk with an older backup version of my writing file, so I recovered some of the files I was fretting over. Now I'm trying to find all my old bookmarks--agents, writing friends and websites: all gone--and slowly setting up my laptop again.

It may be quiet around here as I continue to revamp and personalize my laptop.

Picture fun and Results

I finally uploaded my most recent pictures onto the computer, so I thought I'd share a few with you. It's been awhile since I've posted cute Drew pictures, and since we celebrated his first birthday at the beginning of August, there were definitely some adorable ones to share.

Do you think maybe we dote on him too much? Nah...


















We also went to Monterey in July to celebrate a friend's 30th and it was a beautiful day.

We don't go to the beach enough.







All I could think about this week was food (damn calorie counting) and needing a change. But yesterday afternoon I was finally able to break through that fog, and I did some productive editing on chapter two. I think my whinge yesterday helped clear my head. Sometimes you just need to get those thoughts out there and know that people are listening. So thank you. (I still want to move back to Campbell though. :) I forced husband to walk with me to Santana Row last night, both for a bit of exercise, and for a rewarding latte. It's nice to be out milling amongst people, especially if you don't have to interact with them. (I'm a sad introvert and prefer big groups only when I get to observe them without interacting, otherwise I prefer small groups of close-knit friends and family.) Afterward I finished my chapter edit and was proud of myself, so I lounged on the sofa reading Eat, Pray, Love and sipping my latte. Bliss. Poor husband had to be at work at 6 am today--and on a holiday weekend!--so I got straight to work, not at 6 mind you, and did a final read-through of chapter two to make sure I didn't introduce any errors in my edit. I added a few sentences here and there and printed it out before lunch time. Chapters one and two are off to their first outside reading tomorrow. Yikes! Um, and HUZZAH!

No Change

Hello lovelies, sorry for the boringness around here, nothing much to say today or yesterday. I've been feeling a bit down. I think it's all those missing calories (did I mention I'm cutting calories to lose a few pounds?). Those extra calories must be the happy ones. Pah!
Actually, I think I just need a change. This is the longest I've lived anywhere since college--and even then I left for the summers--and I don't even love it. Before we bought our condo, we were living in a small town in the San Jose area called Campbell. I loved it so much more, but we couldn't have a dog at our apartment, and we couldn't find a condo in our price range that allowed dogs. We used to be 10 minutes walking distance from downtown Campbell, which is really cute, and literally across the street from a cute shopping area that has my favorite coffeeshop, Indian and Thai restaurants, a movie theater, and a bookstore. We're only a few miles away now, but driving there isn't the same, and none of the walks here are as pleasant. Technically we can walk to Santana Row, which is about a mile away, but the walk isn't as nice (really gross freeway underpass littered with dead birds and poo), and I don't like Santana as much, even though it's more exclusive. To be honest, I don't like it as much because it's more exclusive - everything costs more for less. And the people are snobs.
I need something different, but I know nothing can change for at least another year. Our contract stipulates that we can't sell until the one year mark (Nov), but if you sell before two years, you get charged a capital gains tax and then we won't make enough money on our place to make it worth it. All of this makes me feel more boxed in. If I know I have other options, it makes me more comfortable, even if I don't act on those options. And I like change, I need change in my life.

I'll leave you with Augustana, who express my feelings better than I can:

Adventure-less

I need an adventure. During the first incarnation of my blog--when it was a marathon training diary--it was called Angie's Adventures. I had lots of 'mini' adventures in the early days of this blog: marathon training runs, which were mini adventures in and of themselves; standing in line 12+ hours for a free pair of choos ; taking a helicopter tour of San Francisco ; finishing a marathon; and two weeks later, skydiving (funny that I didn't blog about *that*). My life seems to be void of adventures these days, unless you count the shoe fiasco in Vegas and the cold water shower this week, which I wouldn't. The problem is that we can't afford to travel right now and even if we could husband doesn't have enough vacation what with all the weddings and bachelor/ette parties we have to attend this summer. I'm sure these could be adventures of a sort, but not really the sort of adventure I'm looking for. Another problem is that even if we could travel, I don't have the energy for it yet. Hopefully my thyroid medicine will start kicking in soon, and if not I'm sure my doctor will increase the dose when I go to get tested in a few weeks. I can also tell I need an adventure because I dyed my hair three weeks ago (and not ONE friend noticed!), and I've contemplated getting every cute haircut I see. In the past, whenever I got bored I either dyed my hair, cut it, or got something pierced (nothing too crazy, just more ear piercings and my nose, but still...). I've also found myself designing a tattoo even though I hate needles. All this is to say that I need some adventures, and I don't forsee that happening anytime soon. I guess I'll have to be satisfied with teaching Drew more tricks. Any recommendations? He already knows sit, go to your bed, lay down, shake, high-five, roll over, play dead, and dance (his most recent). I've run out of ideas.

Appalling

I had a new post planned, but I will get to it later because I woke up to the horrible news this morning that there was a shooting today on a university campus in Virginia. The details are still emerging, but it sounds like at least 20 are dead. Incomprehensible.

Very Cheery Indeed

I. Hate. Insurance. Companies. Just thought I'd get that off my chest straight away. Adam is adding me to his (somewhat expensive) company plan after nearly a year of being uninsured--don't get me started--and after much revised paperwork, tears, and sweat, we discovered that my doctor is not covered by the only plan for which I'm eligible. For the first time in my life I find a doctor that I actually like, and now I'm not allowed to go to her, well, unless I pay out of pocket of course. Very useful.

After this setback, I went to the store very pumped to get a coke zero, but started getting a headache along the way, and by the time I got back, I had a full-blown nausea-inducing migraine. Lovely. (FYI, I cannot consume any kind of fake sugar when I get even the slightest hint of a migraine, or else it will inflame it.) Got the coke zero anyway, but I'm being smart so it's sitting in the fridge and I'm drinking PG Tips instead and eating an apricot-jammed english muffin (yum) to help the nausea subside.

Drew seems to be getting worse in his separation anxiety with me even though we've really been working on it. He started shaking as soon as I said "you wanna go for a ride." Then when we got to the store, he hid down by the gas peddle in order to avoid going into his crate, which is supposed to HELP the anxiety. Adam took him last night, and he didn't even get up from the seat when he left (grr).

Also, I'm peeved because everytime I find a product I like, they change it. I went for bath products, and I couldn't find the kind I usually get. I hate buying new kinds because I rarely like them, so I ended up getting things I didn't go for, and not getting the stuff I needed. Sweet. Though the stuff I did get is very necessary (hair dye, waxing products, etc.).

Oh, and as soon as I started to back out of my parking spot here, a garbage man pulled up behind me and parked. I was totally blocked in! I honked three times before doing a 16-point turn and exiting through all the parking spots next to me (luckily no one was parked by me).

This is almost funny as I type it, but boy does it p*ss me off when it happens! ;) At least you can enjoy.