Thursday, June 05, 2008

All's Quiet on the Blogging Front

...as I wage a one-woman battle with myself.

Last November, I finally found a schedule that worked for me, and it allowed me to get into my writing groove. Since I finished the first draft, I've struggled to find a new schedule that accommodates my new tasks of draft typing and editing.

It shouldn't be this hard
, I think to myself, I'm only typing and tinkering with words. Yet I realize the main stumbling block is my fear of facing my writing. (What if it's horrible?) I started work on chapter three enthusiastically enough, but soon I found any reason to distract myself.

I need to read my email first.
I
have to keep up on the news as an informed citizen: just one more article and then I'll start.
I wonder what my blogging friends are up to?


No matter how much I recognize my finely-honed diversion tactics, I can't seem to stop using them. (Hmm, I wonder whether writing this post counts as one?) When I continually fail to stop procrastinating, I become depressed with myself. Yesterday I told myself that if I were my boss, I'd fire me (then I thought, how mean!).

Once I become frustrated with myself, I inevitably begin to look for jobs again. If I cannot do this, then I need to get back out there to be a productive member of society. I've been discussing the problem all week with Husband, but last night I finally had a breakthrough after nearly applying for a position.

I devised a schedule solution similar to my old own, but which fits better with my new tasks. Today I wrote it down on a goal sheet on my desktop to remind myself. My novel writing class starts soon--it was supposed to start today, but was postponed two weeks--and I know I won't get much, if any, writing done if I start a new job. I decided to start the new daily schedule with the allowance that I will not look for jobs until my novel writing class ends in September, and if at that point I have accomplished nothing, then it's time to throw in the towel. (Very clever, if I do say so myself. Of course I'll accomplish something in 3 months with a schedule and an intense class. Apparently I have to keep using fear tactics in order to get things done. Hmph. I won't even mention the effect of my ten-year reunion next summer...)

So. As of now, I am beginning anew. No beating myself up for my struggles over the past few weeks. I will be type, type, typing in the morning and editing in the afternoon, with a little time set aside to finalize my research.

Time to jump back into the deep end.

9 comments:

Heather said...

Hi I randomly found your blog and am glad I did. Happy writing.

JJ said...

Oh Angie, GOOD LUCK honey. You've been working so hard and I've got everything crossed that you're new schedule works. And Hugs from me to make up up for how mean you were to yourself.
JJx

Yvonne said...

Great post Angie, you've summed up how I often feel. It can be so frustrating when you can't get going - it took me a month to figure out a schedule that worked for me, but I refuse to regret that month - after all I'm new to this novel writing business. Best of luck and remember, you're not alone!

Angie said...

Thanks Heather, and welcome! :)

JJ, thanks for being such a nice blogging buddy! I'll remember your hugs when I'm being mean to myself. ;)

Yvonne, it's funny how we all suffer similar feelings, but often feel so alone.
I admire your attitude. I struggle to give myself leeway and remember that I'm on a learning curve.
Cheers!

KatW said...

Just found your blog and immediately relate to this post. Why do we sometimes avoid starting our writing when essentially it is what we want to do most? Sometimes I find myself trying to justify my procrastination - on my blog I used the phrase 'constructive procrastination' to explain how my not having worked on my book was justified.

Great blog :-) I'm quite new to blogging and am happy to find your blog. Thanks. Kat

Debs said...

Well you're certainly not alone, I feel this way so much of the time too.

Best of luck with your schedule and writing course. I'm sure you'll be fine.

D

Angie said...

KatW, thanks for visiting. I ask myself that question all the time! I enjoy writing immensely while I do it, but I procrastinate so much.
Welcome to blogging and cheers!

Debs, it's nice to know others experience the same struggles with writing (not that I'm glad they experience them...).
Thank you. I will be fine, I just needed an ultimatum, I suppose. I'm excited for the class to start. :)

SueG said...

Sounds great, Angie. And if you need to, you can always imagine all our hands on your back, giving gentle pats and gentler pushes.

Angie said...

Thanks for the kind image, Sue. :) Today I could use some shoving, so off I go...