All's Quiet on the Blogging Front

...as I wage a one-woman battle with myself.

Last November, I finally found a schedule that worked for me, and it allowed me to get into my writing groove. Since I finished the first draft, I've struggled to find a new schedule that accommodates my new tasks of draft typing and editing.

It shouldn't be this hard, I think to myself, I'm only typing and tinkering with words. Yet I realize the main stumbling block is my fear of facing my writing. (What if it's horrible?) I started work on chapter three enthusiastically enough, but soon I found any reason to distract myself.

I need to read my email first.
I have to keep up on the news as an informed citizen: just one more article and then I'll start.
I wonder what my blogging friends are up to?

No matter how much I recognize my finely-honed diversion tactics, I can't seem to stop using them. (Hmm, I wonder whether writing this post counts as one?) When I continually fail to stop procrastinating, I become depressed with myself. Yesterday I told myself that if I were my boss, I'd fire me (then I thought, how mean!).

Once I become frustrated with myself, I inevitably begin to look for jobs again. If I cannot do this, then I need to get back out there to be a productive member of society. I've been discussing the problem all week with Husband, but last night I finally had a breakthrough after nearly applying for a position.

I devised a schedule solution similar to my old own, but which fits better with my new tasks. Today I wrote it down on a goal sheet on my desktop to remind myself. My novel writing class starts soon--it was supposed to start today, but was postponed two weeks--and I know I won't get much, if any, writing done if I start a new job. I decided to start the new daily schedule with the allowance that I will not look for jobs until my novel writing class ends in September, and if at that point I have accomplished nothing, then it's time to throw in the towel. (Very clever, if I do say so myself. Of course I'll accomplish something in 3 months with a schedule and an intense class. Apparently I have to keep using fear tactics in order to get things done. Hmph. I won't even mention the effect of my ten-year reunion next summer...)

So. As of now, I am beginning anew. No beating myself up for my struggles over the past few weeks. I will be type, type, typing in the morning and editing in the afternoon, with a little time set aside to finalize my research.

Time to jump back into the deep end.